Depressing

It's depressing how fast time is zooming by me, and I guess the rest of us too. It's picking up speed each day I add to my life. it seems as if the distance between minutes, hours, weeks and the rest of it are closing in. It's depressing to me that I feel like I just got settled from Christmas and it's Easter, about to be summer. Everything I do is an effort to be more in the moment. All the scheduling, the managing of Ms. Martha's time and energy, the persistent pleas for family to visit is all about cherishing these precious times. I can't tell if I'm living in fear or in consciousness. I can't tell if the awareness that we are all dangling on strings and it's all just a blink is either good for me or detrimental to my peace of mind. This awareness forces me to let go of the petty small stuff and remember some book of rules for life that had two rules; #1. Don't sweat the small stuff. #2 It's all small stuff. So on one hand it's good, but on the other hand I'm sick with worry that I'm not being in the moment enough. I do feel distracted less since this crisis of faith or rather, that the inevitable just dawned on me. It inspired me to see Yellowstone, well that and something the yoga teacher, Clio said. She explained how time seems to be speeding up as we age and that some scientists have researched this and discovered our perception of time is really just the brain's way of recording new information. So when we are encountering something for the first time, the brain slows down to record all the shiny, new details - but by 35 or 40, we are in auto-pilot and our brains have seen everything we do everyday - there's no new information to record. So I thought then, that I need to go someplace new. And I thought about how the kids need space to run around and fresh air, and how I'd love to have a picnic every day on this vacation and just sit in beauty and talk to my family am watch the kids look at beauty. I'm trying to slow down time. I'm trying to go to bed earlier so I'm not a zombie. I'm trying to record these experiences with pictures and this blog is to document the regular stuff we do everyday, because I know someday soon that this moment too will be ancient history. I love life, and I love this life so much - it's just depressing it's going so fast. I am thankful for every moment and pray (more like beg God, for long lives for everyone I love - which is about everyone and that we are healthy and happy and in peace.


This picture was taken yesterday when Broderick caved in and took the family to a nursery and we bought trees for our back yard. Isaiah is a funny critter and Noah is clever and strong.