Adam Henry

On Wednesday we lost a very dear friend, Adam Henry. Adam was more than a friend; he was Broderick’s brother. And not a brother for which fate connected him to, but the type of brother he found and kept for 23 years. The ancient Greeks believed that the most pure relationship is friendship. Real friendship is the only occasion when two people come together for no other reason than because they enjoy each other. We are made by design to procreate. Spouses and children bring us great joy, but family is a necessary relationship. When we find true friends we bring them into our life as an indulgence. Aristotle believed in perfection, friendship cannot subsist without perfect mutual knowledge, and only between the good; hence it is not possible for anyone to have many real friends. Adam, Jimmy and John share in Broderick’s mutual knowledge. It’s taken seven years of being with Broderick to believe the loyalty he has between his brothers. Which is why Adam’s passing is going to be as hard on Broderick as a loss can be. I am also lucky enough to call Adam my friend. He is my favorite (sorry fellas,) probably because he didn’t yet have a wife or children and could spend the kind of time on the phone, on the porch or over a New York dinner that other men can’t. Yesterday I thought I had got most of the sadness out, but then tonight it curled back up inside me. I think pain, the kind that comes from loss, comes in like waves. There are moments in the day when I’m not thinking about Adam at all, and then he slowly comes back to mind and then it’s like I just remember, as if I’d forgot, that he’s gone. Sometimes I’m okay with knowing he’s gone, but those are usually the times when I’m in disbelief or denial. And then when it really dawns on me that he’s gone and I realize Jimmy and Broderick have lost a part of themselves without any warning I get so sad I need to sneak off and let it all out. I cry because I miss him, but I cry also because we all miss him. I cry because if it hurts me this bad and I’ve only known this good man for seven years how must it feel to his father, how must it feel to Jimmy and Broderick? And although Adam had a full life, by his own design, I still want him here not so much because he missed out on any of life’s pleasures, because he didn’t. I want him back out of greed for the joy he bought to our lives.

Last night when I was feeling a little too sad about Adam’s death I started to convince myself that the last few days hadn’t happened, instead I flash forward to Adam living in South Africa with Rania. He has built his life there and Broderick and I just aren’t in as good of touch anymore. It feels better than imaging our life without him. In the deepest sense that’s where I think his spirit is now. Adam was brave enough, in life, to do what we wanted so I imagine now with all the powers of his spirit he is doing exactly what he wants. He was a great friend to a lot of people. His Facebook page has posts from people all over the world wishing him a peaceful transition.

On Wednesday night after I had put the kids to bed Broderick called with an update. The news I was expecting was something like a new kind of treatment or a rough road ahead that would lead us back, like it always did, to a healthy Adam. What Broderick told me instead was that he would die in 24 hours. I had to ask him, “Did you say 24 hours?” Even after he told me twice I thought I had heard wrong. In the middle of this conversation with tears rolling down my face Noah walked in my room. She was scared to see me so sad and within a few seconds was crying herself. She asked me was I was crying and I told her it was because I was lucky enough to really love a good person. That calmed her down, and as she took some purple flowers from a vase in my room to give to me she said, “Mommy you have everything you need in your heart. You only need two things. You need God and you need a tissue."