team johnson

Chinese Silk

2011-09-08T20:44:00.000-07:00

What is Micah up to? I've had to really make an effort to spend more time with him and that's not because he's hard - it's the exact opposite. It's because he's so easy. It's because I'd rather take the hard job (the two older ones, or dealing with repair people - which happens at an annoying rate!) So I'm trying something new, I'm starting to boss Ms. Connie around more and be firm - I figure that if I'm not going to a place called work I'm going to have it all go as close to what I'd prefer as possible. One of the other things I've learned lately is that I"m going to do what's right, but first and foremost I;m going to do what's best for my family and what's best for me - I looked around and it seems that's what everybody else is doing and I feel like a fool lover here trying to do the right things which is ALWAYS the harder road. So, Isaiah isn't going to lame basketball practice on Wednesday, if his coaches were better and the Y was closer - than maybe I would feel differently - but the Y is a good 30 to 35 minutes away and his coaches SUCK, as sweet as they are - they suck and it's a waste of my time and his so he's going to play on Saturday and not go to practice ala Alan Iverson. It's what's best for me, so for now, it's what's best for him. Ok, back to Micah who is nine months and starting to stand up and tonight was body slamming his chest into the crib - which was a little like some crazy horror movie. He's a strong boy who doesn't cry very often and smiles a lot and who will be even more cute when those rashes disappear completely from the side of his face. Golly, I love these kids as crazy as they make me - God, just grant me a little more patience, please.

As for Isaiah

2011-09-08T20:29:00.000-07:00

Wouldn't it be nice to sit here even just a few nights a week, maybe even with a glass of wine and capture some of the random moments of the day. It might help my memory and I always find it satisfying to write down a little bit about these fleeting moments. I swear I'll remember a look or a way they pronounced something, but I don't because their are so many beautiful and frustrating things happening everyday. I won a bike helmet today - funny and random, right and not really about Isaiah but there's not enough time to keep my own journal so I will tuck little things I think and feel into their journal - because for now it's all about them. And I'm not doing all this stuff for them, not really. All the things I do are for me because I feel it's best for them - what they really want is to watch TV all day and drink fake juice from juice boxes and eat chips. But I'm a mommy and can't let that happen - so I drag them to the beach and on walks and make them sit down and force them to listen to me read them a story when all they really want is to jump around and yell and scream and push each other or hug on Micah. SO what did Isaiah do today - so much. Well today was his first day in the Peaceknicks, he's no longer a squirrel. He's officially a big boy. I had to think today of the peacenicks nap and they do, in fact he'll nap in Kindergarten too with Fanahi who is going to favor the hell out of him and I don't mind one bit. He will have a better self esteem because he is loved by her, and that will make him a better person and a kinder man. One of my jobs is to make sure they have access to the people that love them for that very reason. My kids and all kids actually, need to see the joy on people's faces when they walk in the room and I can say my kids have that. They have people who care about what they have to say. These days Isaiah is into Lightening McQueen and it's not because he loved Cars 2, he didn't. In fact, he feel asleep and so did I. I'm guessing one or a few of the kids at Happyland at into Cars 2 and he got sucked in with them - it's cute how he makes this racing sound and wants ot tell us over and over again about how fast he is and how he's the fastest and how whenever he sees a brightly painted car he assumes it's a race car even if it's Mini Cooper. He talks loudly and often - and I have guilt from wanting to tell him to hush for a bit so I can hear a song or just zone out because soon enough I'll be pulling the words out of him which is what I already feel happening with Noah who has always seemed older than she is. Always. The last few days Isaiah will tell me he has a surprise for me just when he can sense that I'm at my witts end with the tow of them and he comes to me and kisses me on my lips and it works - it softens me every time. Noah is learning to apologize when she had made me mad and when I ask her today why she was apologizing she said, "Because I don't want to be in trouble." Which was good enough for me.

First Days

2011-09-08T20:25:00.000-07:00

Today is what, umm. Thursday. So the first day of school was the day before yesterday. The summer came and went so fast we didn't have the time to do all the things on the lists of things we wanted to do this summer. Noah made it during her last week of kindergarten with me at King's Road while we shared a breakfast sandwich on our way up to Community. I feel a little guilty, but we had a good summer - but it's all happening to fast - the days pass with blinks of my eyes. My head hits the pillow and it's morning. So the question becomes, how do we slow it all down. Do less. Get frustrated less, worry less, be patient more - do they have a pill for that. There's definitely a mantra for that. Anyway, back to Noah and her first day. WHen I picked her up yesterday at the same bus route (with a promise to myself to always be on time this year,) I was excited to hear how her first day went and lamenting yet again that the summer flew by. I stood by the door happy to see Yasmyn and Ali from Happyland there too, to find Noah hot, baret in and sweater in her backpack, sweaty and grouchy because she was worn out. She did say, "First grade is WAY easier than kindergarten." Which made me laugh and I knew that Fanahi would be happy to hear that she was so tough! She also was excited to be in the same class with Leila who she said this year was def. her BFF and she used that, BFF. Noah is smart and picked up on how Leila was more receptive to her and I was proud of my daughter for being able to read people. She seems to like her teacher and when I asked her how her day went she said, "Andre took a picture of me." ANdre is the 3rd or 4th grader who when he showed up to the garage sale last May Noah pulled me aside and said, "I like him," not really knowing what that meant but knowing that she thought he was different than the other boys and girls she liked at school. When I saw him my first thought was, good, he's cute! I just got all three of them down with plans on how to make it more efficient tomorrow night - which is what I do with everything. Oh no, Micah is back up - returning from China has thrown him off, or maybe it's the heat, or the air conditioner, or he's teething - who really knows.

Noah's reading...

2011-03-31T21:09:00.000-07:00

She's been reading for a while now. But these days, she's really reading. I wonder what she'll be. I wonder what she'll struggle with in school. I wonder what will be her favorite subject. I think mine was math - but I can't really remember. It probably had more to do with a good teacher than anything else. I wonder if she'll really go to The City School. For now she enjoys telling people what to do. She enjoys holding, burping, and picking at Micah. Micah's crying so I'm done for tonight. Glad to have had the few moments and catch the magic.

Risotto

2011-03-31T20:51:00.000-07:00

Noah is a week away from being six. I feel like she just turned five, and I know that's what all us moms say. But it's true. The time is flying and I can't seem to stop it. The one way I've figured out a way to slow things down a bit is to cook with the kids - even if it takes me twice as long. I was reminded of this last week while Noah was on the computer looking at old videos of her as a baby. These videos are too hard for me to watch because I don't remember her that way and it stirs the fear that I won't remember her this way either and the way she is now is so wonderful I want to hold on to it - but I know the best we can hope for is for all of us to grown old. Anyway, I digress again about how life is too short. I can't help it, it's on my mind all the time. So back to last week hen Noah was watching a video of herself at 3 which is HALF the age she is now. She was washing the dishes or at least she thought she was. She was standing at the sink and pouring water from one cup to another and there were bubbles and she was pleased to be in the kitchen with me. Most nights when I cook she asks to help. Isaiah asks too and I'm usually in such a mad dash to get everyone fed so we can move on to the next thing which is baths that I say no and rush through it. But tonight I remembered how happy Noah was in the video washing the dishes so I asked for her help. I asked her to cut mushrooms. I needed them cut and cutting is something they both aspire to do. Mushrooms can be cut with a butter knife, safe enough for me. So there they stood, Noah on the stool, Isaiah on the Ikea child chair that's falling apart. They were both so proud of themselves. I was proud of me too. I was proud to be in the kitchen (one of my favorite places,) making Italian food with my favorite people. I was proud that I remembered what was important and choose it over the task at hand - cook and feed folks. I had to watch Isaiah who kept trying to eat the bacon - but that's nothing new. I have to remember to cook with them more often. I pray they remind me.

The Good LIfe

2011-03-30T21:47:00.000-07:00

So today, Wednesday, is like all the other Wednesdays. It's the day that I promise myself I'll get to bed by 9pm. That the exhaustion that I've been fighting all day will sweep me off my feet and I won't have a choice but fall deeply asleep early enough to remain sane in all the night's disruptions. It's also the day that I"ll get the kids to bed by 7pm so that we'll have time for stories and prayers and songs and cuddles and kisses. It's the night I'll walk out of the kid's room at 7:15 and have two hours to have a conversation with Broderick and do this - write something about the day that will fade from my memory by the morning. It's the day Ms. Connie won't be up until 8:30 in the kitchen cleaning up our mess so I won't feel guilty or lazy. But it's not this day - it's a version of all the other days. It's a Wednesday. The kids have gymnastics and although I dream about having dinner ready before I leave for the stinky gym so that when we walk in the door at 6 a real meal will be hot and ready for us. Of all the dreaming and planning I do about how the day should flow, one would guess that I'd have it down - but I don't. The truth is that although it's not the day I plan for, it's the day I'm grateful for. It's another day with my family safe. It's another day where there's clean water and good food. It's another day with the helpful hands of Ms. Connie. It's another day in this beautiful house. It's another day without an argument. It's another day I'm reluctant to let go of and get in bed. And there is a small win, 3 bags of breast for a day when Micah can handle the cow's milk protein and this... a token from a regular day that I will look back as perfect and hopefully remember but be so happy in that moment that I won't long for these days...because they are some good days.

it's been a long time...

2011-03-20T21:28:00.000-07:00

okay, the newest version of me wants to start back writing. i can't call myself a writer because I don't write enough and I don't write because I don't have the time - but I want to have the time so I'm going to find. I'm so tired of being the person who is going to start being focused, but never gets it done. I desperately want to manage my time better so I can have time for all the things that are important to me. It has recently become important to me to do nothing - why? Because Noah needs to see me doing nothing so he has the freedom and courage to do nothing. My mom and I are slaves to whatever it is that keeps us from relaxing. I want to sit on the floor and make puzzles, I want to cook more with the kids and I want to sit on the couch and flip through a cooking magazine. I want to sit.

Today was a beautiful day because I did one thing, well two - church and the grocery store. Any maybe that's the trick - to do one thing a day and stop worrying about being everybody's friend and available to everyone. It was a great day because it seemed long and I got to really spend time with the kids and I got to sit through church, which I haven't done in what seems like a year. Isaiah and I went grocery shopping and it's those moments when I feel I'm totally available to him. Then I came home and Noah and I cooked. She peeled and cleaned the shrimp and I made a real dinner with fresh vegetables and herbs and we had time to bake cookies after - a dream day!!!

Vaccines & Daddy Luv

2010-06-09T18:59:00.000-07:00

Today the kids went to their 3 and 5 year pediatric appointments. I told Noah a little before lunch and she was excited. She then got Isaiah excited and I could NOT control them during their visit. Noah wanted to touch and try everything and Isaiah was excited to jump up and down on the examination table and look at himself in the mirror. Now, Noah has been vaccinated, well..sort of. She has had a total of three shots her entire life. She is way behind for what is recommended for kindergarten. It's something where I am completely on the fence. Well, maybe not completely. I lean much more towards not vaccinating at all - which has been my policy until recently. Isaiah is now 3 and I feel he is out of the danger zone. He can talk to me about what he's feeling and I'm more confident that he will not have a reaction. I pray I am right. Well they both had to get a shot today and I expected it to be awful and thought I might shed a few tears too. Noah broke down completely and cried for some time after. Isaiah on the other hand didn't seemed phased and was more concerned with his bandaid. Noah sat in the back seat of the car with a tear stained face and seemed so unhappy. So we decided to call daddy and let him know about her heartache and when he said hello to her - her face lit up. She was soon giggling and forgot all about her two shots.

Big kids now!

2010-06-09T10:35:00.000-07:00

How and when did they turn three and five?! It's an amazing time where I can take them on an airplane and not have a nervous breakdown. We flew a few weeks ago and are now getting ready to fly again. Thankfully we have 2 DVDs players and they're old enough where they will sit and watch movies the whole flight. On the last flight Isaiah sat with me and he's usually more difficult, but as the plane took off Isaiah started getting a fever. I asked the woman behind me if she had any Motrin or Advil and she did. And then he passed out and I read, and napped, and watched The Last Station and then cried. Noah sat with Broderick and flew asleep on cue as the plane landed. Right now the kids are about to take a walk with their babies. Ms. Martha is taking them out. They are fighting over the stroller and the more stuff (pillows and blankets) that Noah gets, the more stuff Isaiah will simply die without. Isaiah has been saying "I don't want____" about every five minutes. He also announces whenever he smells something, anything. Noah is practically a teenager and mostly wants to play learning games on the computer and play with her hair.

How to Train Your Dragon

2010-03-28T21:48:00.001-07:00

On Sunday we got up and made breakfast. No matter what I'm cooking Noah asks to help, and if Noah asks to help then it follows that Isaiah will ask. Sometimes they don't even ask. Noah grabs the stool of of the bathroom which is smaller and easy to handle. Since Isaiah follows Noah's lead he gets stuck with the bigger stool by the front door. It takes all his strength to move the two step stool into the kitchen. Most times I'm so worried he's going to trip or drop it on his fat, little square foot that I carry it the rest of the way. They both have to wash their hands which they do with only one asking, because they love cooking. They put on their aprons and if I'm not wearing mine, Noah bugs me until I put it on. Isaiah usually gets a bowl with a whisk and some flour or rice in it to mix and he will mix until you drag him from it. This Sunday we were making a breakfast pie. I've discovered the delicious beauty of pie crust and make a lot of vegetable pie. Since we are decorating hollowed out eggs on Wednesday night I had to carefully break the top part of the egg off and slowly let it drizzle out. Noah whisked the eggs and broke up a piece of sliced cheese into bits. She washed the asparagus and hung out with me until the pie was ready to go in the oven. Broderick claimed it was his favorite of my breakfast pies. It contained eggs, cheese (of course,) garlic (of course, of course,) greens and onions, of and halved cherry tomatoes around the edges for even more color. And he was right, it was delicious. After I out the pie int he oven I hustled to get the kids dressed for Alastair's birthday party. While I was int he shower Isaiah and Noah started wrestling, which was sweet and loving BUT, he started wheezing which meant he had to sit with his "breathing machine" which made us 30 minutes late for the party. We were already 30 minutes late because I can't manage time and always HAVE to do something at the last minute. The kids had a blast at the party and ate vegan cupcakes, jumped on the bouncy, snuck and ate cookies, and played with their friends. it was incredibly hot and Isaiah's little cheeks with flush and he took his shoes and socks off because "I'm hot!" We stayed an hour longer than the evite suggested and stopped at The Farmer's Market on the way home to pick up some produce. This farmer's market is one of the best things to happen to our neighborhood. I'm thrilled there is fresh organic produce every Sunday a stone's throw from my front door. Isaiah fell asleep in the 2 minutes it took to get home and Noah had to be threatened before she finally conceded to sleep which just made he sleep later than I wanted. When they woke up we had a quick dinner of my dad's frozen beef stew. Noah decorated the bags for the home made popcorn which Broderick didn't eat. Isaiah just walked into my bedroom at 10pm and said looked worried because, "I can't find Noah." She was asleep at the end of her bed tucked in pink heart pillows and a soft pink blanket from grandma Pam. I have to convert Isaiah's crib into a toddler bed. I HAVE TO DO IT!! Anyway Broderick and I took the kids to see "How to Train Your Dragon." If anyone has ever wondered who all that outdoor advertising is for - it's for my kids. They know all the movies. Not because they watch TV (which they hardly do,) but because they are suckers for a billboard. Anyway they were as cute as two children could be. We all help hands as we walked in and it make me so happy to be a part of our family. I'm happy a lot, but I was also proud. Everyone was happy and excited and just so darn cute. They both talked throughout the entire movie - but I didn't mind because I know they cant help it, they're my kids and we love to talk and too because they were so excited to share what they were seeing and thinking. Noah thanked her daddy a bunch and just kept saying "Whoever made that movie is an awesome movie maker." She was very proud to have come up with this on her own. We'll see if she remembers that they are called "producers." While they were getting ready for bed, they each took a phone and put it on speaker and recounted every detail and most of the lines from the movie to my mom, John and Jessica. It was one of those moments I hope to etch in my mind and heart forever. It was a perfect time with them.

Depressing

2010-03-28T21:33:00.000-07:00

It's depressing how fast time is zooming by me, and I guess the rest of us too. It's picking up speed each day I add to my life. it seems as if the distance between minutes, hours, weeks and the rest of it are closing in. It's depressing to me that I feel like I just got settled from Christmas and it's Easter, about to be summer. Everything I do is an effort to be more in the moment. All the scheduling, the managing of Ms. Martha's time and energy, the persistent pleas for family to visit is all about cherishing these precious times. I can't tell if I'm living in fear or in consciousness. I can't tell if the awareness that we are all dangling on strings and it's all just a blink is either good for me or detrimental to my peace of mind. This awareness forces me to let go of the petty small stuff and remember some book of rules for life that had two rules; #1. Don't sweat the small stuff. #2 It's all small stuff. So on one hand it's good, but on the other hand I'm sick with worry that I'm not being in the moment enough. I do feel distracted less since this crisis of faith or rather, that the inevitable just dawned on me. It inspired me to see Yellowstone, well that and something the yoga teacher, Clio said. She explained how time seems to be speeding up as we age and that some scientists have researched this and discovered our perception of time is really just the brain's way of recording new information. So when we are encountering something for the first time, the brain slows down to record all the shiny, new details - but by 35 or 40, we are in auto-pilot and our brains have seen everything we do everyday - there's no new information to record. So I thought then, that I need to go someplace new. And I thought about how the kids need space to run around and fresh air, and how I'd love to have a picnic every day on this vacation and just sit in beauty and talk to my family am watch the kids look at beauty. I'm trying to slow down time. I'm trying to go to bed earlier so I'm not a zombie. I'm trying to record these experiences with pictures and this blog is to document the regular stuff we do everyday, because I know someday soon that this moment too will be ancient history. I love life, and I love this life so much - it's just depressing it's going so fast. I am thankful for every moment and pray (more like beg God, for long lives for everyone I love - which is about everyone and that we are healthy and happy and in peace.

This picture was taken yesterday when Broderick caved in and took the family to a nursery and we bought trees for our back yard. Isaiah is a funny critter and Noah is clever and strong.

Snow Day

2010-02-04T21:40:00.000-08:00

Snow in Los Angeles, who whatta thunk it? So we the ladies of the square decided to get together and do something a little fun for the kids, having no idea how fancy and expensive it would turn out. It was a hard fought battle through a jungle of opinions and :i would've-s," but we worked through it and almost everybody is talking to each other again. What's so shameful is that it was one of those days when you realize how good you have it. The sun was shining, the hot coco was perfect, most of the the kids I know were laughing riding down sleds with each others. The dads were helping all the kids as if every single one of them was their own. We brought a few changes of clothes, because us LA folk don't have snow suits on tap. It was an amazing day and although I cringe at the thought of having to plan and offend again, I know it will be worth it once again.

Noah and her star, nana

2010-02-03T20:32:00.000-08:00

So I always had a feeling that these Disney movies were damaging our kids. The 16 year old brides, the waist lines the radius of a cheerio and the prince charming saving them. But it's nearly impossible to keep them away from that stuff. It means no trips to the movies, it means no Friday nights with pizza and some quiet time, it means less time with other kids, it means fights with the grandparents who have been waiting to share the insanity of Disney and its products since they were born. So tonight as I was ricking Noah she got very upset and told me she sees pictures in the air. "And not just the giraffe and rhino mommy." Those are the two pictures above the rocking chair. After much assurance she told me she's afraid a witch is going to hurt nana and turn her into a star just like the bug from Princess and the Frog. She doesn't want nana to die while she's just a little kid. Through tears and insecurity about what is the best thing to do and say in that moment i try to explain to her that she is in charge of the pictures she sees. But she wasn't convinced. She said the pictures aren't ever going to go away until she, herself, becomes a star. And although it broke my heart, she's probably right.

A perfect day in a pretty amazing life

2010-02-03T19:41:00.000-08:00

When I'm not moody, or hungry, or jealous I remember how lucky I am. Most of the time I am peaceful and thankful and happy to be exactly where I am. Other days like now, I am tired and feel like my head is going to explode if the kids don't lower their voices. Today was one of those days when they yelled way too much, listened way to little and fought so much my heart has a crack in it now. There are times when I have come to the bottom of my bag of tricks. All the nice ways of saying, Stop what you are doing before I'm tempted to beat you up" are exhausted. It's times like this when I say something through a smile and it makes Noah cry because she knows how angry I am and how mad I am at her. Today was one of those days. I am happy to put them to bed, a little resentful that Broderick is in Miamii partying with women half his age and I;m here in my pjs at the end of my rope. But this picture is from a totally different kind of day. This day I would've trader Broderick for George Clooney or my kids for a Starbucks. This day I was the mother or all mothers. Happy, patient, well dressed and anxious to spend every last second of the day with them. I am lucky and have done a lot of work to make sure I have more of these kinds of days than the days lie today. It's why I have a nanny. It's why I know it's important to write and have a life of my own. But this Sunday at the beach was a delight. I woke up late, too late for church and I only had to ask Broderick once if he wanted to go to Shutters for breakfast and then let the kids run on the beach. Not only did he agree, he agreed whole-heartedly. He didn't do it out of guilt, but because he really wanted to spend time with us. Breakfast was tasty and healthy and the kids didn't break anything, throw anything ot offend anyone. We sat on the beach and I read two articles while they ran in the sand and breathed the fresh air that only the ocean can purify. Broderick fell asleep and I walked the kids to the pier while they chased birds, collected shells and begged me to go to the carnival (which I promised for the next time Nana comes to visit.) We walked back wet, sandy and ready for a nap. They both feel asleep on the way home.... what could be more perfect than that?

When Georgetown came to Cali

2010-02-03T19:25:00.000-08:00

This was taken months ago when the Hoyas came to play in some UCLA tournament. The kids jumped on the bed in the hotel room and ate fruit roll ups and bad pizza. It's always a joy to see the Thompson kids with Noah and Isaiah. They are a good influence and the closest thing they have to cousins. Isaiah has asked a few times to go to John John's house. Not realizing it's all the way in DC. The other day I called to speak to Monica and John told me to tell Noah and Isaiah that he loved and missed them. See, I told you, soo sweet.

This hair thang

2010-02-03T19:11:00.000-08:00

When I was pregnant with Isaiah I thought I wanted a girl. I say "thought" because of course I was wrong. I got exactly what I wanted - the best boy ever. But I "thought" i wanted a boy for various reasons. For one because I always hoped to have three and I wanted it just like I grew up, two girls first and then a boy. I also thought I'd have a better chance of convincing Broderick of adopting if we had two girls. I've assumed if we adopted it would be a boy. AND I had a girl and wanted exactly what I had and loved. So one day right after I had had Isaiah I was walking into the house and ran into my neighbors cousin and she asked what i had had. She knew, or I told her that I wanted another girl. She looked at me like I was crazy and said, "No, two heads of hair to do? It's much better this way." How right she was. Noah's hair is one of the most gorgeous things about it. Since she was a baby, it's what everyone notices. It's wild, a different and beautiful. BUT!! But, it takes at least 20 minutes every day to brush. As I am writing this she is whining behind me, begging me to straighten her hair. Now, i am not some crazy white mom who has put it into her head that straight hair is better. What has happened is a mixture of influences. I use a flat iron to get the frizz out. Most of the girls at her school have long straight hair. Now, I have at least 8 books that talk about the beauty of ethnic hair. I have African books about hair, I have vintage books about hair. I have clever funny books about hair and all of them emphasize how important it is to love your hair. I tell her all the time I love her curls and how beautiful hair takes work. I have had her dad tell her the same thing in his way. But, honestly, I tired of dealing with it. About 2 years ago I came very close to cutting it short, but a friend stepped in and begged me not to. I'm afraid Noah is going to look back at all the pictures of her as a child and notice a fuzzy halo surrounding her head. But I've seen the light. After this same friend suggested getting her hair straightened for special events of holidays, I felt the pressure ease. I needed a black woman to give me permission to "do something" to her hair. I have since done the following. I've taken her to JC Penny and had it straightened. And I had braids put in it. Both for the low. low cost of about $60. The braids lasted two weeks and were cute, and fun and so, so easy. The straight hair last for a little under a week and Noah bawled when it came time to wash it. It's an interesting thing this hair thing.

Fall is here

2009-10-13T11:31:00.000-07:00

It cooled off in what seems like one day. One day it was hot and the next night there was a cool chill in the air once the sun went down. Today it is raining and I'm enjoying the gloomy-ness that we don't get too often in Los Angeles. Isaiah and Noah put their slippers on in the morning and the moment they saw me put my rope on, that's when they've decided that MUST have their ropes every morning too. We go downstairs and have hot tea or smoothies as we wait for the rest of the world to wake up.

Isaiah and Halloween

2009-10-13T08:27:00.000-07:00

Valerie passed down a fun Halloween book about a witch who moves into a house and one by one, gets rid of 10 ghosts. It's cute and sort of a mystery and helps the kids practice their numbers. I care about that, but they don't. What they like is to find the ghosts hiding in the house and Isaiah says he's scared until I ask if I should put the book away and then, no, he's fine. He asks where the book is each morning when I go get him out of his crib. He talks about the witch and the ghosts and the spiders all day. He asks to go visit the witch around the corner at a house with lots of Halloween decorations. There are a few ghosts and the "black" ghost, as Isaiah calls it, screams. Isaiah says, "Black says AHHHHH!!!!" There is another ghost who he claims says, "Isaiah, I want you." Not sure where he got that but it's cute none the less.

Martha's Vineyard

2009-10-13T08:25:00.000-07:00

The kids love the beach. I love the fresh air but worry about them running into the water without me. I guess because I always need something to worry about. Living in LA, we really should go to the beach more than we do, which is never. We go to the beach when we are out of town. Funny.

The weather girl

2009-10-13T07:59:00.000-07:00

So Noah, Noah, Noah. Noah likes to tell me she's hot so she can open her window in the car or hot in bed so she can be naked save for her panties. I don't buy it. Maybe sometimes, but mostly I think it's her trying to be in control of herself and struggling with the fact that she's four and mommy is in charge. She's rarely cold, always hot or itchy. Because either of these ailments allows her to change her clothes, and this is something that she's been trying to do since she was two. So yesterday after I pick her up from school we are driving over to her dance class and she tells me, "I'm hot." I nod because she's always telling me she's hot. Then she says, "I'm hot. I think we are getting close to the equator." You can't argue with that.

Good Hair

2009-10-06T13:08:00.000-07:00

Noah's hair has been an evolution. As i notice that a whole year has passed since a birthday or holiday I notice that Noah has more hair and it's even more curly. It's beautiful and it is defiently her glory, other than her spirit. She is complimented daily about her curls. But she still asks every once in a while for it to be straight. It takes more work that I ever imaged to keep it tame - which isn't really my objective. Even if it's wild, which she loves, I want it to be "done." I want her to learn to take pride in her apperance and that your hair is something you do everyday - although I'm teaching her something I dont practice - since it's 1pm and I still haven't brused my hair.

Noah doesn't usually get spanked, but...

2009-10-01T15:31:00.000-07:00

One of the problems I've always had with Noah is that she is sneaky and I couldn't like it less. I work so hard in hopes that she will understand how destructive and offensive it is to be sneaky. So yesterday after we get home from Marcella's house I ask the kids, as I always do, to wash their hands as soon as we get in the house. Noah comes in and tells me she washed her hands. I'm no genius, but I know she couldn't have possibly washed her hands in the 30 seconds she walked back to the bathroom. I ask her again to go wash her hands. She then walks back out and tells me she's washed her hands. I know she hasn't washed them yet, mostly because four-year-olds are not good at lying. But she's curious and asks me how I knew. I say that Im a mommy and I know everything, which I do. And she clever too and asks, "It's cause you didn't hear the water, right?" And I nod knowing full well what she's about to do next - because I am a mommy and I know everything. Sure enough she goes into the bathroom, climbs on the stool and turns the water on for a few beats and then turns it off. She's not too good at being sneaky because I am standing in the door way watching her. So I ask again, "So, you washed your hands?" And she says that yes she has, and that's when she gets the little underhanded spank right below her but check and I explain that mommy is no fool. This upsets her but later that night when I ask her why she got in trouble and she tells me, "Because I tried to fool you." Hopefully she'll get it this time.

I also wanted to include what she said over a year ago. This was also written on a piece of paper that I haven't had a chnace to enter for over a year. When Noah was a little under three she was about to do something that would land her in a heap of trouble. Her daddy tries to stop her and she assures him it's okay because when mommy finds out, "Then I'll say sorry."

Noah Grace on Sarah Palin

2009-10-01T15:25:00.000-07:00

About a year ago Broderick told me about an experience he had with Noah will watching the news. He felt compelled to write it down because I had told him of a similar experience I had with Noah. Broderick thought it was so unbelievable that if he didn't write it down word for word then me and everyone else would think he fabricated the story, or at least exzaggerated. So this is what he wrote on the paper over a year ago. Noah was barely 3 at the time and that's how long it has taken me to get to the bottom of a stack of papers that's been sitting on my desk.

Here's the setting, Noah and Broderick are watching MSNBC and they show footage of the notorious Sarah Palin interview.

Noah, "She's going to be hard to talk to."
Daddy, "How do you know?"
Noah, "We are going to find out."

A moment, then..
Noah, "Daddy, you can't watch this everyday."

Photo Shoot

2009-09-20T10:23:00.000-07:00

Circus Circus

2009-09-14T21:43:00.001-07:00

They had to stop the ride. Isaiah hated it and I have to admit, it was way too fast for a child Isaiah's height. He rode his frist ride in the Vineyard this summer and loved it, but leave it to Vegas to take it too far.

Sonic Boom

2009-09-14T21:33:00.000-07:00

So I heard my first sonic boom. Friday afternoon around 6, right as playgroup was ending I went up stairs to get something or check for something on the computer and a all of a sudden a large blast came from outside. I first though I was going to look outside and see that one of the kids had fallen off of something (which doesn't make any sense, but as a mom I'm always worried about danger.) or that maybe one of the kids had kicked a ball into the metal around the water heated that is attached to the house. I looked out the windows and everyone was safe so i forgot all about it until Fanahi mentioned it a few days later. I'm not really sure why I think it's so cool - but I loved having witnessed it. Apparently the space shuttle was supposed to land in FLorida but the weather was bad so it was diverted to right outside of Los Angeles.

Today

2009-09-07T23:17:00.000-07:00

Today Broderick and I tried to clean out the garage, I say tried because we were naive to think we'd get it done in one day. Anyway, I woke up this morning thinking Ms. Martha was going to be at our house any minute and I would let B keep the kids in bed so I could sneak in the guest room and get a little more sleep to make up for getting home at 1am and than lying awake until 2am thinking about the guy who tried to break into our house while we were gone. Broderick came in with my breakfast. He made me chocolate chip pancakes, my favorite. Ms. Martha never came and we got busy in the garage, The kids played outside. They played in the garage with stuffed animals in Easter baskets whom they called their babies. I was also called the monster and was told to say, "Oh no you can't." after Noah said, "We're going to get away from you." After loosing their water bottles in the garage and climbing over things that were probably a little too dangerous, Noah decided to put on her bathing suit and run around in the water. Isaiah got naked because he doesn't like soggy diapers (I don't remember Noah caring about this.) Once Isaiah got naked, Noah wanted to be naked. He wants to do what she's doing because he thinks she the best thing since breast milk and Noah wants to copy him because he's getting more attention than her or because she doesn't want him having some privlege or thing that she doesn't.

I could...

2009-09-07T23:12:00.000-07:00

I could sit at this desk all night and try and capture and hold on the moments with my kids. I wish I could write more of it down, mostly because I think I'm in one of the most amazing times of my life and I want to be able to look back when they're on their own and remember all the little stuff. I really love the little stuff.

Happy Halloween

2009-09-07T23:06:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe, when I look at these pictures, that it's been a year since the afternoon we visited Mr. Bones. And that in about a month we'll be going again, except the kids will so much more grown than the last time. Noah says she wants to be a dragon this year and Isaiah (who I almost called Jonathan) wants to be a bumble bee again. We looked through a catelog of costumes and Isaiah wasn't interested and just kept asking to be a bee regardless of the book. Noah looked through the book and thought it over - so like the two of them. I know contimplation is an age thing, but Noah weighs decesions more heavily than Isaiah. Isaiah goes with the flow and Noah tries to control the flow.

Fair

2009-09-07T22:53:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about how every time I post a picture of Isaiah or Noah, I immediately go back into my file and look for a shot of the other one. I think it has to do with having a trio of siblings who accused my mom of not being fair. I really try to be fair with my kids. And I see now that my mom didn't have a favorite. I mean she sort of does, even more now that than. She has this special thing for my brother. She never complains about something he's done like she does about me to my sister or to my sister about me. And she worries about him more. But I know now because I'm finally a real adult in the same situation that she never has or never can love one of us more than the other. She might find one of us easier in certain circumstances, but she loves us all the same. The funny thing is that I'm having this thought about "fair" and I realize one of the pictures I just choose was from the fair. Ha.

The difference between

2009-09-07T22:18:00.000-07:00

The difference between being a mom and being a free woman is that when you hear of some awful atrocity that has happened you, as a mom, instantly imagine your child in that situation. As a free woman each happening on the nightly news doesn’t keep you up at night with anxiety. And no matter how many times I, as mom, read or remember to let worry go and that it does nothing but put in you in a sate of fear, I still have anxiety. I know this fear isn’t going to stop anything that is meant to happen, but it’s there all the same. And each decision I make regarding my children feels more weighted. When my daughter asks me to do something I pause for a moment before I consider if what she’s asking for is appropriate and I access the safety of where she’ll be, who she’ll be with and what could happen… worst case scenario. I often feel like I’m crazy because I worry about them all the time. And honestly it might not be all worry; I think a big part of parenting is the weight we carry around because we have such enormous responsibility. I am not only responsible for the nourishment, hygiene, and comfort of another person; I am also responsible for what they become and how they see the world. I’m responsible for keeping them alive and keeping them on the path to a well-adjusted adult. It’s momentous. It’s amazing too. Tonight, as I was rubbing Noah’s back as she slept on the trundle for the first time because her little brother was sleeping in the bed for the first time I realized that I’m living one of the best times of my life. I really love being a mom, and I’m sad about how fast they are growing. I know, though that if it was going any slower I would be nuts. The beauty in the labor of child rearing is that it is incredibly fleeting. The precious moments seem to pass even faster. My happiness comes from realizing how cherish these regular moments of them climbing out of the bath tub for the first time without having to be held or told exactly what to do. Noah just climbed out when she was done with her bath and dried off. It’s when doing a mundane daily thing, you see that they’ve grown and who they were yesterday is lost in time. I know we all change everyday and grow, hopefully for the best, but in childhood our children loose a little innocence everyday in exchange for more independence. Isaiah asked me tonight, as I was rocking him to sleep (something I try to do as often as I can) if he could sleep in Noah’s bed. He didn’t really ask, he just told me he wanted to sleep in Noah’s bed. Noah is old enough now to ask for things as opposed to informing me of her desires. And when I walked in later to put Noah down, my stomach flopped when I saw the crib was empty. He’s older than Noah was when she climbed out of the crib, so I know he’s ready according to “what the books or our pediatrician would say” Honestly, I think I’m going to keep him in the crib for a while longer. I’m not sure if he’ll try to get up if he wakes up, so maybe he’s not completely ready. Maybe he's still my little baby.

The Doodles in August

2009-08-03T12:49:00.000-07:00

She jumps, she swims...

2009-08-03T12:43:00.000-07:00

and she sings. Noah does it all. She is a real little person with questions and ideas and very senstive feelings, but with the suborness of her daddy. We went to breakfast yesterday and she had pancakes. I asked her to eat like a lady and that she had to use her fork and hot her fingers (like every other mom with a four year old) and she looked me inthe eye and picked up a pancake piece and ate it. We took her panckaes away and told her she had to appologize if she wanted the rest of them. She wouldn't. She waited hours. It wasn't until she woke up from her nap that she was ready to appologize and when she did she asked for her pancake.

This picture is from last month at her swimming classes. She is offically a fish.

Making wishes

2009-08-03T12:33:00.000-07:00

This was taken the weekend before last when we were in Dana Point for a wedding.

Top Ten Things I Love About My Kids This Week:

1. To listen to Noah sing and wonder how she learned all the words.
2. The way Isaiah asks for a hug if you've just given him a kiss, "A hug too."
3. The way Noah pretends to be a snow tiger and Isaiah pretends to be a bird (except when they lick me.) She crawls around and wants to be pet and he jumps on me and says, "Chrip, Chirp" and pretends to eat bird seed.
4. When Isaiah thinks he sees nana's house and says, "My grandma is in there," and Noah informs him that he's wrong, "She's at home in Las Vegas."
5. To watch them swim. They're both so good at it and love it so much. Although I'm beat from all the catching and racing around the pool to hold and help them.
6. To see them sleeping when I check on them at 10pm, 11pm, and 6am - like a stalker.
7. When Isaiah says out of the blue, "I love you too."
8. When Noah tells me my dress or hair is beautiful. She told me the other day I had hair like Ariel from The Little Mermaid.
9. To see them sitting on the couch with their daddy watching Noggin or Sunday Morning Politics.
10. To hear them have full on conversations in the back of the car or in their bedroom at night.

Golly, gee I love the heck out of them!

Blessings... every night.

2009-07-19T23:22:00.000-07:00

Tonight after keeping Isaiah up way too late partly due to having friends over and partly because he was having such a good time running around in my t-shirt with Noah and Ali, until he threw milk on every body - but I digress. So tonight at bed time with one of the biggest boo-boos he's every had like a hickey across his belly, we say our prayers (Our Father) and then stretches his hands out with spirit fingers and says "I bless Ali, Jonathan and Johnny." He's so sweet about 95% of the time and the other 5% he's a two-year old boy who jumps and runs and pushes it as far as he can.

My kids, the cats.

2009-07-19T23:02:00.000-07:00

Noah does not want a pony or a unicorn or even a princess dress (well, she already has the princess dress.) What Noah wants is a small dog or cat and after a visit to the vet where she had the privilege of meeting about ten kittens, she now wants a kitten, or a cat for that matter. And since we didn't get her a cat, she has become a cat and has convinced her brother that he is a cat too. They meow. They ask for milk. They pretend to scratch. They crawl around and hide in their cat house. They have cat names. Noah is either Princess Flores Kitty or Princess Ada Kitty. Isaiah is Spike. They answer with "meows," and curl up on my lap and ask to be pet. Isaiah also pretends he's a shark and tries to bite me when he kisses me. I much prefer him as a kitten.

The DIfference...

2009-07-19T00:11:00.000-07:00

The difference between mommies and daddies is when mommies get home from date night they go straight to check on the babies and when daddies get home they go straight to the bath room. Every time.

Grand Daddy Derf Does Stop

2009-07-17T14:57:00.000-07:00

Just LIke Mommy

2009-07-17T14:42:00.000-07:00

I have a few minutes before the kids wake up from their naps. And yes, I'm trying to get Noah's four-year-old self to nap until she's 18. The dogs are barking like they're mad, not angry but crazy and I need a shower. Play group starts in 45 minutes and thank goodness, I'm not hosting. I am hosting a pantyhose party tonight. Which should be nice and it'll be a treat to treat my friends to all the sweet treats of dessert wine and dessert. So this is Noah at four years and a couple of months. She is a pure delight, save for a few times a day when she pulls on me and I have to let her know, "I don't like having my _____ pulled or pinched or stepped on." I used to wonder back when she was in the heat of her terrible twos, where are all the delightful moments? I remember weighing everything and thinking that the majority of the time I'm just a laborer for the family (the kids, the dogs, Broderick.) The rest of the time was split between shear frustration and anxiety with delight peppered in just enough to keep me on the safe side of crazy. But I have to say that the moment, to the day, that Noah turned four - it all changed. She understands consequences, she is able to communicate what she needs and finally has the ability to connect her good behavior with a happy home and a peaceful mommy. I think it's partly due to Ms. Martha and me having the time to properly discipline and support each of my children. I also think I'm more laid back as the mother of a second child and I truly believe that me and Broderick are co-captains of Team Johnson, although I'm really more of the captain and he's the co, but whatever. I feel supported, and appreciated by everyone in this house - well except for the dogs whom I have got to find the time to play with. Anyway, this is Noah a few weeks ago at swim class. She's a swimmer. I would still be in the pool with her, but she can swim across the pool on her own! We're so proud of her courage to try new things. Dang, these dogs bark ALOT!!

See, I give him cupcakes....

2009-07-17T13:47:00.000-07:00

Isaiah and his itchy, bumpy self. This was taken in June when we were in Rhode Island. I discovered these cupcakes at my favorite of favorite places - Whole Foods, or as my sister-in-law calls it, Whole Paycheck. She ain't lying. For the last 2 weeks, we've had Isaiah on a very strict diet - in stick I mean, mostly hotdogs and soy milk, why? Well because those are about the only two things that are NOT processed in plants that also process nuts or diary. After over a month of agonizing visits to the fourth allergist we've determined Isaiah is allergic to dairy, eggs, nuts, which we knew. We did not know he was also allergic to mushrooms, mustard, pineapple (which is used to sweeten everything natural,) corn (which is used in everything also,) oats (something we used to rely on for a basic breakfast.) Oat flour is also in a lot of stuff including most lotions since it can be calming on everybody but Isaiah. He's also allergic to sweet potato, salmon, sunflower which is a natural oil that is in a lot of items you'd never expect, but in about every dry snack from animal cookies, to chips and oh, a few other things. There is a list on the refrigerator that lists everything Isaiah can eat and it fits on an index card. The list of the things he can't have is short and sweet and has the 10 or 12 items I mentioned above and a note that says, *DON'T FEED ISAIAH ANYTHING FROM OUTSIDE THIS HOUSE. When we go to Lego Land or Playgroup, I watch him like my life depends on it - even a bite of something seemingly innocent could throw this month's trial off. The goal of this month is food elimination - so we can figure out what else other than diary, eggs and nuts he should stay away from. But so far, as I suspected, his skin isn't any better. In fact the day he started his diet he contracted some viral rash that covered his body with hundreds of tiny itchy bumps. Nothing relieved the itching except a very strong steroid - which I held off giving him for a week until I just could take all the blood in his crib and on his clothes from his scratching. He's finally doing better and we are all relieved, I just wish he didn't have these allergies. It helps to remind myself that of all the difficult issues that children can have, this is one that I can handle. It's a pain in the butt and most people don't understand how serious I am until I explain - if he has peanuts he could be dead in 2 minutes - that sort of gets folks to pay attention. But this is the least of so many evils.

Big Nana

2009-07-17T12:52:00.000-07:00

I've had some memory problems, both in life and with my computer. I finally got it sorted out. These were taken when my mom and I took the kids to Rhode Island for my cousin's wedding. These were taken at the home where my mom grew up. I wish I could write, in detail, what this day was like but so many things have happened since then. Nothing big or momentous, well maybe a few momentous things, but mostly just a lot of trips to pick Noah up from school. I've been to Trader Joe's and Whole Foods about six times each. There's been doctor's appointments, a trip to Washington State for a girl's trip and a bunch of meetings with contractors and our architect as well as endless phone calls catching up with old friends ala Face Book or supporting friends in need. Yesterday I had a police officer, two guys delivering a mattresses and box spring, a woman picking up the old mattress and box spring, my neighborhood workout, the guy washing our cars and getting Noah off to school all in the span of an hour. I feel most days I don't know who is ringing my doorbell or calling me, emailing me or texting me and am afraid of what they need and dread the amount of time and energy it's going to take to get them what they want or need. With all the help from friends, family and our nanny, I still could use a personal assistant. Up until now I'd been outside measuring space and researching storage sheds and planning on laying concrete and a day to clean out the garage. The good life is good - but it takes a lot of behind the scenes stuff to keep it in place and pretty.

Adam Henry

2009-05-17T23:48:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday we lost a very dear friend, Adam Henry. Adam was more than a friend; he was Broderick’s brother. And not a brother for which fate connected him to, but the type of brother he found and kept for 23 years. The ancient Greeks believed that the most pure relationship is friendship. Real friendship is the only occasion when two people come together for no other reason than because they enjoy each other. We are made by design to procreate. Spouses and children bring us great joy, but family is a necessary relationship. When we find true friends we bring them into our life as an indulgence. Aristotle believed in perfection, friendship cannot subsist without perfect mutual knowledge, and only between the good; hence it is not possible for anyone to have many real friends. Adam, Jimmy and John share in Broderick’s mutual knowledge. It’s taken seven years of being with Broderick to believe the loyalty he has between his brothers. Which is why Adam’s passing is going to be as hard on Broderick as a loss can be. I am also lucky enough to call Adam my friend. He is my favorite (sorry fellas,) probably because he didn’t yet have a wife or children and could spend the kind of time on the phone, on the porch or over a New York dinner that other men can’t. Yesterday I thought I had got most of the sadness out, but then tonight it curled back up inside me. I think pain, the kind that comes from loss, comes in like waves. There are moments in the day when I’m not thinking about Adam at all, and then he slowly comes back to mind and then it’s like I just remember, as if I’d forgot, that he’s gone. Sometimes I’m okay with knowing he’s gone, but those are usually the times when I’m in disbelief or denial. And then when it really dawns on me that he’s gone and I realize Jimmy and Broderick have lost a part of themselves without any warning I get so sad I need to sneak off and let it all out. I cry because I miss him, but I cry also because we all miss him. I cry because if it hurts me this bad and I’ve only known this good man for seven years how must it feel to his father, how must it feel to Jimmy and Broderick? And although Adam had a full life, by his own design, I still want him here not so much because he missed out on any of life’s pleasures, because he didn’t. I want him back out of greed for the joy he bought to our lives.

Last night when I was feeling a little too sad about Adam’s death I started to convince myself that the last few days hadn’t happened, instead I flash forward to Adam living in South Africa with Rania. He has built his life there and Broderick and I just aren’t in as good of touch anymore. It feels better than imaging our life without him. In the deepest sense that’s where I think his spirit is now. Adam was brave enough, in life, to do what we wanted so I imagine now with all the powers of his spirit he is doing exactly what he wants. He was a great friend to a lot of people. His Facebook page has posts from people all over the world wishing him a peaceful transition.

On Wednesday night after I had put the kids to bed Broderick called with an update. The news I was expecting was something like a new kind of treatment or a rough road ahead that would lead us back, like it always did, to a healthy Adam. What Broderick told me instead was that he would die in 24 hours. I had to ask him, “Did you say 24 hours?” Even after he told me twice I thought I had heard wrong. In the middle of this conversation with tears rolling down my face Noah walked in my room. She was scared to see me so sad and within a few seconds was crying herself. She asked me was I was crying and I told her it was because I was lucky enough to really love a good person. That calmed her down, and as she took some purple flowers from a vase in my room to give to me she said, “Mommy you have everything you need in your heart. You only need two things. You need God and you need a tissue."

Happy Mother's Day - A letter to my girlfriend who isn't sure if she can do it

2009-05-07T11:34:00.000-07:00

Motherhood.

Yes, you can do it. You of all people can do it because you’re kind, full of life and truth. It’s not easy and if you do it you have to constantly be working and reworking life (you) to stay sane. It will also force you to decide what type of mother you want to be and deal with who your mother is to you. The great truth is that you can be any type of mother you want to be. The only rule, other than feeding them and keeping them out of the street and away from MTV, is to be happy. The most important thing you can do for your children is be happy and let them see the truth of the days when you’re not. My kids see me cry, they’ve seen me get so upset that I’ve had to take a time out myself and go into my room and calm down. Having the kids around gives me the strength to go the extra mile to fight fair with my husband or the asshole trying to merge on the freeway. It’s easy to be a jerk to your spouse when no one is watching, but when you realize you’re teaching them how to argue, cope and behave you get your act straight a lot faster than you would have otherwise. You can be lazy and not shave your legs but you just aren’t lazy anymore with the important stuff. But sometimes you won’t do it right and you’ll feel so guilty for yelling or having to have resorted to spanking (the kids, not the husband) and then you learn the lesson of forgiveness. At the end of the day if I feel like I have been honest with Noah and Isaiah and treated myself right, than I know I’ve done a good job. Jenny McCarthy in all her infinite wisdom said her biggest mommy ahah moment was that all her son needed from her was to just be. They don’t need organic food, they don’t need the best preschool, the best blah, blah, blah. What they need is you; Just you to sit and see them and be with them in a moment. And those moments are what make everything worth it, so worth it you might consider chasing the high with another baby. And I often feel like an alcoholic, not because I sometimes depend on wine to ease me into the moment and out of my to-do list, but because the way I survive is to take “it” one day at a time. If I look at the week and count all the diapers, and baths, and time outs and sibling rivalry, I’ll get overwhelmed and start fantasizing about running away with gypsies. But I haven’t run away yet and although my hands look like they’re 20 years older than I am because of constant washing, I’m the best me I’ve ever been. I’ve also developed these flat, wide, duck feet from being barefoot with the kids all the time, not so sexy but I have better balance. But as usual, I digress. Mothering forces you to look at yourself and get rid of the shit you don’t want to pass on to your children, since you can’t be prefect (although I sometimes almost kill myself trying) you also accept the stuff about you that is really okay like disarray and the occasional fast-food meal or that I have a ton of real issues that will probably go with me to the grave. In my greatest moments of clarity, which don’t come often, I see myself as perfect because of all my flaws and a better mom and person because of them. Mothering will make you aware of everything except where you left your keys or if you brushed your teeth yet today. You just start getting “it.” And some days it’s just a cliché but other days I feel it in my bones and the “it” is that all that matters is your family. Being a mom is the bullshit cold turkey. When you have a baby, a child, you don’t have the time or energy for bullshit. You can’t and won’t deal with the drama of girlfriends or family. None of the drama is that important anymore, and when you are faced with real issues like the reality of childhood diseases, predators and all the other million things that will keep you awake at night you have very little tolerance for bullshit whether is someone else’s or your own. I used to be so concerned about what other people were doing. Now I spend all that mental energy and time on the two people I brought into this world, not because I’m so enlightened, but because I have to.

There’s a quote I love that says something like, the decision to have a child is momentous, it’s like deciding to walk forever with your heart on the outside of your chest. Being a mom will make you so vulnerable and whenever a child is hurt or in need it will break you’re heart wide open. Oprah becomes harder to watch and injustice will frustrate you more than you could imagine. You’ll be more patient with the mother on the plane with the crying baby and want to run back there and help her. You do get an all access pass to a special group of woman. I was a judgmental little wench before Noah and Isaiah, and I still have a way to go, but I can step in other people’s shoes so much easier than before babies. I’ve realized all of us, especially mothers, are doing the best we can and the last thing we need is someone judging us. I can’t express in words how difficult “it” can be at times. In fact no one has any real idea of how hard it is until they’re right in the middle of it and it’s way too late to change their mind. Pregnancy is hard, labor is insane and parenting is the toughest thing anyone could ever do. I say parenting, but I really mean mothering. Mothers have more support from our husbands than we’ve ever had. We’ve lost a lot of community support that we used to get from family and friends. But you’d be a fool to believe that having a child with a man is 50/50. If you’re lucky and work everyday to motivate you may aspire for 80/20. Every day is a mental marathon that pushes you to your furthest limits just to prove to yourself that you can handle anything, and you can. I used to think the reason to have children was to send my love and ideals into the future, but I don’t feel like that so much anymore. I think having a child or children is a tool that God uses to fine-tune all my mess. Sanity was second nature to me before, but these days I have to work hard to not disappear, to drink enough water, to remember to eat, to not feel like an idiot around working women and to remember we’re just here to love and be loved. I’ve also realized that no matter how much we think we love our mothers it’s a drop of water in the ocean of love they have for us.

So, you can do it and you’ll struggle but you’ll grow and you’ll make friends who you think will make the struggle easier and then shake them because you were wrong. Then you’ll make new friends or reconnect with old ones. You’ll start floating through life a lot less concerned where you’ll end you and focus instead on the scenery. You’ll find your groove only to have them grow out of whatever stage was driving you nuts into something else equally as challenging. You’ll read books, you’ll hire help and if you decide to do it alone, you’ll hire a lot of help. You’ll write and continue being you because that’s the best example for any little girl or boy is to see their mom be a kick ass woman living her dream. You’ll be great and when you think you’re not (which you will, we all do,) you’ll call one of the club members and cry and moan and we’ll tell you you’re crazy, you’re the best mom ever.

Giddy Up

2009-04-03T14:00:00.000-07:00

On the way back from new Mexico I was dog sick and barfin' my brains out on the plane ride back to LA. We got in the car and I was wedged in between both the kids strapped into their car seats. Barfing into a barf bag from the plane while I was shaking and crying I heard a little voice say, "Mommy?" I looked at Noah and said, "yes?" She asked, "Is any of that getting on me?"

The Honey Bee Himself

2009-04-03T13:48:00.001-07:00

Noah has never asked to go to bed, NEVER. But Isaiah is a different little seed. If it's after 8:30, he'll start pointing to his bed and saying, "crib" or "bed." He sleeps so well... well up until 5:30 and then he says "mommy" in a slow whine about 300 times until we get him up. We try to be firm and let him stay in the crib (unless he starts screaming) until 6 or 6:30 - and I often shut the door and put the pillow over my head (the heaviest pillow) but it doesn't work. I still hear him and feel a deep itching guilt in my stomach even though.. even though I know it's what we're supposed to do. So needless to say I rarely sleep past 6am and when I do wake up at 6am by force of habit and he isn't yet awake I keep peering in to make sure he's breathing or there or whatever other crazy thoughts I have as a worried mommy. How do you shake that worry? I'd love to not worry so much... if it turns out I'm crazy (which could be possible) then it would be crazy with worry over my kids. I don't worry about money or the value of our home (which sucks) I worry about these lunatics that i love with every cell of my body. I worry about their well being, their safetly, and their sense of self.

Gratitude

2009-04-03T13:38:00.000-07:00

"If the only prayer you ever say in your whole life is 'Thank You,' that would suffice." - Eckhart

Today I am thankful for:

1. Having done yoga, the doing is the hard part - the having done is the best part.
2. Seeing Noah in her ballet tutu and slippers.
3. Isaiah's long afternoon naps
4. Our beautiful backyard, our beautiful, beautiful backyard
5. The left over chocolate cupcake that I'm fixin' to eat right this minute!

Ish Ish, Isaiah says fish

2009-03-25T11:39:00.000-07:00

Isaiah, well Noah too, loves animals and fish and bugs, bugs, bugs. We visited Sara and Gene and Isaiah and Noah were so excited about the coy pond. Gene let Noah feed the fish and she asked for the rest of the evening to feed them again and again. By the end of the night, the pond was full of fish food pellets floating at the surface ignored by the full and tired fish. There were also a few cats that drew their attention and were chased through the yard and into neighbor's yards.

Noah knows aviation

2009-03-25T11:28:00.000-07:00

Book of Eli is shooting in New Mexico and Broderick has been back and forth to New Mexico a lot. Last week we traveled with him to spend the week in New Mexico. Noah has always been good on a plane, even in infancy – and we happen to be travel often. Usually she has her DVD player and that keeps her, oh-so occupied. This time, though, she sat with her dad across the isle for a big part of the flight and they talked and she looked out the window and explained how the plane works. While the flight attendant was doing her “in case of emergency” schpeal Noah said, “Daddy if there’s a problem with the plane these things will drop down and we use them to breathe. If the plane bumps into something.” She went on to tell him, “I know this stuff because I’m smart.” She also explained that the clouds are soft and the plane can fly through them without any problem. She also knows what to do at security check – she doesn’t have to be asked to take her shoes off and will immediately help (or forces, rather) Isaiah with his shoes.

This picture was taken one afternoon when we walked around Sante Fe (one of my least favorite places in NM.) Lots of overpriced art, and liberal people (which is wonderful) but mostly it's about shopping and waiting an hour for a table at a restaurant. I can do that in LA.

Calling Nana & Papa

2009-03-09T21:32:00.000-07:00

Since they can't (WON'T) share a phone they each get one of the phones and put it on speakerphone so they can walk around the house and talk to nana.

Tinkle Tinkle Lil' Sta'

2009-03-09T21:09:00.000-07:00

Isaiah will be 2 years old in 2 months. He is, still, delightful. He sings to me or to Noah or to himself when he's trying to fall asleep. He loves brushing his teeth, or rather sucking the tooth paste off his Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle circulating toothbrush. He loves to flush the toilet and wash his hands. If he's missing, chances are he's in our bathroom turning the tub water on and off saying, "AGUA! AGUA!" He's learning to say, Noah instead of "Who-ah." Which makes me a little sad. He does get awful demanding of me at dinner time and will pull me and push me to get me where he wants me to be which is usually sitting with him to play dominos or Cooties. He doesn't eat much for dinner, but loves his vitamin and can be trusted with two vitamins to give one to Noah. He also says vitamin. He says moon, he says a lot of things. Noah would never repeat words if you asked her or if you didn't. You can get Isaiah to kiss and hug most anyone and say most anything even if he's missing a few sylabols.

Noah the beauty

2009-03-08T22:18:00.000-07:00

Last night Delmy came over and braided Noah's hair. I forget the details of her beauty when her hair is pulled back tightly. Her hair attracts so much of your attention. It's so wild and unique and never brushed that you forget to look at the rest of her face, well I do. And today when her hair was pulled tightly back I got to see, in full view, her beautiful long neck. And when she smiles her pointy chin gets even pointer. I see her cheek bones and her long, curly eyelashes. She's so tall these days, and her legs long and thin. Noah told me today, I'm growing up, but i still have some growing to do."

The most beautiful boy lives in my house

2009-02-24T15:38:00.000-08:00

I gave birth to the most beautiful boy. He's got the most beautiful smile and makes the most beautiful sound when he laughs. His hair is the most beautiful golden hair I've ever seen. His toes are still the most beautiful boy toes to ever get stuck up my nose. He says his words in the most beautiful way. He throws his toys with his beautiful skinny arms and swats his sister with his beautiful chubby hands. He kisses me with his beautiful lips and sleeps curled up or sprawled out like a beautiful little peaceful, snorting lamb. He runs with a beautiful little short leg wobble. He sings his beautiful Twinkle, Twinkle and screams with his beautiful cries for La Bamba. His skin, his nose, his ears, his eyelashes... all beautiful.

What's Noah up to?

2009-02-24T15:28:00.000-08:00

She's up to a lot, always. She's into everything, asks about everything and wants to have and do everything. She's up to picking her nose and eating it. She's up to getting up in the middle of the night and coming in bed with us to cuddle. She's up to tap and ballet and practicing her performance of "Hard Knock Life." She's up to watching cartoons in Chinese on Youtube. She's up to missing her daddy when he's gone. She's up to rollerskating (previously pronounced roller-skapping) with the helmet and knee pads Nana & Papa gave her for Christmas. She's up to telling me she's bored, something she picked up from a friend's daughter (which I don't like one bit.) She's up to requesting "The Ring Song" (Beyonce's Single Ladies.) She's up to sneaking out of her bed and reading books in her closet. She's up telling Isaiah and everyone else what to do. She's up to wearing her hair "wild." She's up to being tall enough to ride Splash Mountain and telling you about it. She's up to puzzles, drawing, painting, dancing, hiding, running, talking, talking and talking. She's up to too much to tell it all.

The BIG DAY - Obama takes over

2009-02-18T22:09:00.000-08:00

Spike Lee is a JERK

2009-02-18T22:04:00.000-08:00

As is Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, I don't care enough about them to see if I spelled their names right. Oh, and Demi looks every bit 45. I wouldn't say this had they not been jerks - but they were. Where was Lee on Essence's List... definitely wasn't #3!!!

Manifesting Hope - Georgetown

2009-02-18T21:58:00.000-08:00

Sheppard Farley had a show at a gallery in Georgetown. The show was a collection of peices from artists from all over the counry. All the work was inspired by Obama's movement of change fueled by hope. It was nothing less than amazing. I bought a piece for Broderick, which I didn't show because he's getting it on his birthday at the end of Feb. We also got to meet some of the artists and get signed postcards.

Inauguration Week - Sunday - We Are One concert

2009-02-18T21:49:00.001-08:00

I thought this was more amazing then the actual Inauguration. Bono gave a shout out to the Palestians, at least somebody cares. Mary J. Blidge looked amazing. Gartha Brooks (who knew) rocked it! DC was alive!!

Neighborhood Ball

2009-02-18T10:17:00.000-08:00

My janky camera is broke so the majority of my DC - inauguration pictures are blurry. Plus, all my pictures of Obama are from afar so I'm waiting for someone to publish a book on the week's events. The Balls were pretty dang boring, but I admit, living in LA has spoiled me. We attended the Illinois State Society Ball along with 7,000 other hot sweaty people - they had bags of free Kraft products and tractors to pose by. Needless to say, we didn't stay long. As soon as we were able to drive up the building and I wasn't given a pat down, I knew the Obama wouldn't be attending. That ball was the night before the Inauguration. The Neighborhood Ball was the one they televised and was AMAZING. A bunch of folks performed and Beyonce sang, "At Last" as the Obamas danced the first dance of the evening (or one of the first.) We finished with the Mid-Atlantic Ball and I think The Grateful Dead was performing, I was almost dead with boredom and fatigue by tha point. We did meet Cory Booker and made plans to help him out in LA. We waited for the Obamas to dance and saw Barack hold Michelle up and dance for a few minutes and leave - they looked exhausted. I will skip the balls next time, unless they have something like the Neighborhood Ball.

Happy Luv Day!

2009-02-18T10:13:00.000-08:00

This was taken on Noah's way to school on Valentine's Day. We spent the morning making her Valentine's Day cards (at the last minute, of course.) Noah asked then and is still asking to wear her hair wild - she is so my flower child...full of questions aimed at authority (me,) pleads of love (telling me, "I need your love.")

BFFs like nobody's business

2009-02-18T10:06:00.001-08:00

Need i say more about these two. They are crazy soul mates who live to see each other. If you've spent more than five minutes with Noah or her Nana then you know they talk about each other nonstop. They sit on the phone with each other like 2 teenagers and just say, "I love you" back and forth until I have to step in and get one of them to hang up because the phone battery is about to run out. Most of my conversations with my mom is a blow by blow replay of the day's events no matter how boring or to schedule a trip for her to travel out here to see us.

More Wedding Pictures

2009-02-18T10:00:00.001-08:00

Jonathan purposey sat on the other side of he table so that no one (all the single ladies) would not assume he was Isaiah's dad. They do look an awful lot alike. All the guys, even the married ones, used Isaiah to lure the dancing ladies to them. Isaiah didn't mind. And Noah and her cake.. another thing she will loose her mind to get!

Dancing Queen

2009-02-18T09:34:00.001-08:00

Noah was in heaven at my cousin's wedding. She thought the bride's maids were princess and stalked them. She would stand and just watch them and finally worked up the courage to ask them to dance - which took about 5 minutes. She danced with them ALL night and then she moved from the bride to the bride's maids to just any girl in a pretty dress. She really believed they were princesses. After hours of chasing her around the wedding when she refused to leave the women alone, I had to woe her with the her DVD player. Movies or TV work in every situation - it's Noah crack - she's addicted.

Girl of the birds

2009-02-18T09:26:00.000-08:00

Noah and Aunite June's birds. Both Noah and Isaiah have a thing for animals. They recently saw Bolt and have become very concerned with the welfare of our two exiled to the backyard dogs. That's a good thing, because I carry such guilt for them not having the TYPE of lavish attention they used to. Ever since our visit to Rhode Island, Noah has been asking about us getting her a deer that doesn't bite and birds. We were at the pier this weekend and there was a homeless man (no shortage in Santa Monica) feeding the pigeons and sea gulls. Noah walked over and stood right beside him and his 10 birds and put her arm straight out and told the birds to come sit with her. She also wanted to know why we didn't bring tortillas and cheetos for the birds. Next time, I'll remember.

Noah in Rhode Island

2009-02-18T09:15:00.000-08:00

In November we were in Rhode Island for my cousin's wedding. My brother and mom stayed with us and helped with the kids, which is always a treat. Noah (like most first born daughter - like you-know-who) takes the lead on everything. She mothers Isaiah and bosses him around in all the good and bad ways too. This is here leading him on the elevator. His bog thing is buttons and will love you forever if you let him push the elevator's call button on the any button for that matter. The other picture if a photo of Noah on a shuttle at the airport - bit sure if it's from the Rhode Island trip - we travel ALOT, maybe once every month or two. Might have been to Georgia... but I thought she looked so cute in her pjs and boots.

New Year's Eve

2009-02-18T09:03:00.000-08:00

Ever since Obama announced his run for the White House our house has been a hub of activity. We got comfortable opening our doors to our closest 30 to 60 friends and figured since the election was over, New Years was another great night to bring everyone together. Plus, we had a lot to celebrate, Dick and Bush were on their way out, a beautiful family who represents anyone who has ever felt anything but rich, white and privileged was moving in AND Broderick is probably going to shoot 3 or more movies this year. Not to mention we are happy with each other, Isaiah sleeps through the night, Noah dresses herself and our home is pretty much finished - other than me reaching for perfection and having the handy man out here every other week to paint scuffed walls and hang new pictures (yes, I'm one of those West LA Women - who just happens to live off Crenshaw.) Anyway, the party, Broderick deep fried 3 turkeys and made ALL the fixings (his mom's dressing.) Merc created a play list and we cleared out the living room like it was a club - and we danced ALL of us to Guy, Biggie and Beyonce - it was one of the best parties I've ever been to. Only problem is that when Broderick asked me to fix him a drink I also was telling someone where to find more ice and didn't notice how much vodka I put in his screw driver. Moments later I found Broderick outside trying to get some fresh air and then watched as he crawled, yes crawled, up our stairs to sleep until 5pm the next day. The party raged until about 4am with people staying until noon the next day. We are blessed with a home that works nicely for parties and friends that know how to party! Our neighbors Janine and Lyndon (we like totally love them and Markhum - who ran Santa Monica's Obama office.)

Getting Jiggy With It

2008-11-22T11:50:00.000-08:00

For now, I'm still cool enough to dance with for Isaiah. Not so much for Noah. Isaiah has always been a dancer. As soon as he was able to stand up he started bopping to the music. Noah, on the other hand has never been into dancing. Ballet, yes - but ask her to dance she gives you her signature "I'm not doing it just cause you asked look." Whereas Isaiah asks for the "mus-aca," That's music in Spanish and dances. Today he pulled me up because we wanted me to dance with him standing, he didn't like me dancing on my knees. He also, at 18 months, demanded he have music to lay down with.

2008-11-19T20:47:00.000-08:00

3 Generations

2008-11-19T20:44:00.000-08:00

This is Isaiah with my mom and Big Nana as Noah came to call her. Isaiah loved seeing everyone. He met everyone a year ago when he was just a few months old. But that was back when he was crusty and reacting to everything. This trip he sat on laps and ate lots of crackers. He loved Poppy (Unce Georgie's dog) and the new tiger that Kirsten gave him.

Beautiful boy sleepy glow

2008-11-19T20:35:00.000-08:00

Have I mentioned how beautiful I think this itty is? He had just woken up from a late nap at Kayla and Louie's wedding. He sept through al the noise. He slept in his stroller behind uncle Georgie while we (all of us) chased Noah all over the reception.

Forever 21 at three

2008-11-19T20:16:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, before we went to Rhode Island. I made a trip to the mall with both kids - I rarely, if ever, do this on my own. Fanahi was with me and she had her valet pass so The Grove with two little ones seemed almost do-able. I needed to get a couple of tops and while we were in Forever 21 with the kids between the two of us, Noah tried on everything within reach. We thought it was the funniest thing and she was actually pretty well behaved and had a great time. Noah was adorable in all her "outfits."

Butterfly Face

2008-11-11T10:58:00.001-08:00

Sleep Sleep

2008-11-11T10:57:00.000-08:00

This was taken a while ago. Maybe even before Isaiah turned one, but I think it's so funny and cute. Both our kids look like Broderick when they sleep.

The Princess and Iron Man

2008-11-11T10:56:00.000-08:00

Noah and her blueberry toes

2008-11-11T10:54:00.000-08:00

Real Love

2008-11-11T10:53:00.000-08:00

Isaiah is the kissiest face that ever lived. He is always down for a good smooch.

2008-11-11T10:51:00.000-08:00

Underwood Farms

2008-11-11T10:47:00.000-08:00

After all the fun

2008-11-11T10:44:00.000-08:00

Mr. President, we turned Nevada blue

2008-11-06T22:16:00.000-08:00

And we did it by a landslide. I hope it's the beginning of Nevada's accent to open mindedness. After Barack won I truly cared about Nevada. We worked so hard there and calling them that I needed NV to go blue and it did!!

This picture was taken at the rally in Henderson. I could've given Obama's speech for him - I know all his jokes, jabs and facts. But I enjoyed being with my bestest friend in the whole world and my husband and all the like minded people. Something that struck me about the crowd was that these people who had gotten up early and battled the crowds to see Obama where of all shades, shapes and lifestyles. I loved seeing the big burly union guys, and the little old ladies, the veterans, the young people, the babies, the Mormans. This campaign is making us believe again. We're being the change we want to see....

I'l be so proud to share my part of this moment in time with our children. Guess what, my kids can REALLY be anything they want and work for... Imagine.

Hope Won

2008-11-06T11:49:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about sitting down and attempting to capture what has been in my heart through out this election. It’s momentous. It’s changed our world forever. I don’t think I am talented enough, maybe no one is, to truly articulate what happened in all of our hearts at 8pm Pacific Standard time when the polls closed and they called it for Barack Obama. There are tears in my eyes as I sit here and reflect on what just happened, it’s like the planet just shifted into gear and we are headed to a brighter future fueled by hope and love. I love this president, I love his family. I pray for their safety and that he is guided through this journey by the God who lives in all of us.

We woke up on Tuesday morning at around 5:30 – the ground was wet from a light rain and our power was out and we walked out of our house with the kids bundled up in their stroller with bananas and corn cakes to meet our neighbors also walking to the polls. We passed another polling station on our walk to First Presbyterian and I had to take pictures of the line. It was like the images we saw of South Africa when people were given the opportunity to vote for Mandela. We got there a little after they opened and we saw faces we recognized and some new faces but the line stretched around the church. We were all charged and couldn't wait to get home and see the lines across the rest of the country on TV. After about an hour and a half a women we know helped us to the front of the line because Isaiah was sick and snotty and loosing his mind. I held Noah up and put her hand over mine as I pushed the dobber down on the number 8 bubble for Barack Obama. I also let her vote against an amendment to eliminate gay marriage. She kept asking, loudly, “Where is Barack Obama?” When I told her he was in Chicago with his family she wanted to know why he wasn’t here if we were voting for him. It took hours before our power went back on. And at around 12:30 the TV switched on and the first story I saw was a African-American family of three generations standing in line to vote some place in the south. The grandmother was old and needed assistance standing. She said through tears that she had been wondering why God had kept her here through all of her physical pain and now she knew it was for this moment. The grandson who was voting for the first time said that Obama inspires him to be a better man – and I thought isn’t this what the white people who can’t vote for a black man want – don’t they want black people to want to do better? Broderick and I stood in our living room and cried the first tears of the day. There would be many more and they’ve been coming on and off for the last few days. It’s a magic day in America.

We did a phone bank from the house and had friends come in and out. Cathy and Vanessa got here around lunch time and helped us make some calls too. We called the eat coast until their polls closed and then the Obama website directed us to middle America and finally to New Mexico and everyone I called (mostly white) were happy to hear from me and said with a resounding enthusiasm, “OBAMA!” Around 6pm the house was so full that people were standing in the entry way to see the TV. People were singing and dancing and hopeful even when the southern states were colored in red. When Ohio came in and MSNBC checked the box by the photo of Obama, we cheered – I cried then too because it was the moment when I truly believed that we had it, but we waited – we watched the rest of country color in with red and blues and some still to early to call in yellow or gray. Some of our friends did shots with each blue state – I danced and drank wine and ate cupcakes and laughed and talked shit and felt such joy building inside of me. About a minute before 8pm our time MSNBC put a little clock in the right corned of the screen counting down the polls closing on the west coast and that’s when we knew they were going to call it. About 60 people pushed themselves into our living room, about half the faces I didn’t know (some heard the noise and wandered in from the houses down the street.) We all counted down from 30 seconds, and when the clock hit double zero Barack Obama’s face came up and that yellow check mark was next to PRESIDENT. My house exploded. Everyone was screaming and jumping up and down like children. We ALL cried and hugged and kept screaming and kissing again, it was the BEST moment of my life. We then danced and waited for the concession speech from McCain and Pain and they looked so sad and tearful and I thought – Goodbye to negative campaigning, goodbye to these fringe republicans and their racist, homophobic beliefs, goodbye to old leadership and hello change, hello hope. We did it. I called my mom and couldn't hear her mostly from the screaming and too because neither one of us could talk through our tears. Then the house got quiet and Obama walked out to a quarter of a million Americans in Chicago cool and so damn presidential and we all burst out into tears again – we watched, through sniffles and hand holding as he thanked us and inspired us to come together and get to work, and how he loves his wife and how although he may not have earned everyone’s vote he will be their president too... And then Joe Biden walked out and we jumped up again – and then, another moment which is ingrained in my mind forever... When Michele and Malia and Sasha came out holding hands and waving and I felt the kind of love my mom and Nana talk about for JFK and his family. They were radiant and it’s that moment replayed that still causes me to tear up two days later. It doesn’t get any better. And so I drank too much champagne and talked a little too loud and woke up sick the next day – but the air is energized – it felt like Christmas – except better because we get four years of this feeling. If I could relive one moment in my life it would be when the MSNBC’s screen hit double zero and they called it – those emotions are what I can’t explain. The world seems happy and hopeful and I still can’t believe that McCain got as many votes as he did but we did it anyway. Yes we did. And now I wait to see what our president asks of us next – I’m ready. I’ve been listening to John Legend’s If You’re Out There over and over. If I get time, I’m going to make my Obama CD with this song, the Yes We Can Song and U2’s Beautiful Day as well as American Prayer. I can’t wait for the inauguration!

Minnie Mouse

2008-10-30T12:04:00.000-07:00

I love my country, but I'm really going to love it now.

2008-10-27T22:24:00.001-07:00

And for anybody that doesn't see this man as the best person for the job in this lifetime because of race, economics or self hatred....

A Letter from California

Dear Red States,

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii , Oregon , Washington , Minnesota , Wisconsin , Michigan , Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California. To sum up briefly: You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America 's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama . We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America 's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford , Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University , Clemson and the University of
Georgia . We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you. Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties. By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

Scary Scary Fire Mouth

2008-10-27T22:13:00.000-07:00

This is the name of Noah's monster and there is something so sweet and precious about what she thinks a monster looks like and the way it acts. She thinks they're funny, monsters can't hurt her for real, "just pretend mommy." Hot damn she gets! We painted this a few days ago and it was an all day project because we had to wait for pieces to try before moving on to the next step and she was a joy to watch as she anticipated scaring daddy at his office telling me, over and over again that it couldn't look like a bag because then she'd just be Noah in a bag, he (daddy) has to believe it's a monster. So we put it in the trunk and made sure to arrive at the mall early enough that it was smarter to meet at his office. She glowed crawling around his office carpet as Scary Scary Fire Mouth.

Allergic to almost everything

2008-10-27T22:06:00.000-07:00

It sucks. now we think it might be tomatoes too. I'll know Thursday. And the state of pediatric allergeries is uncharted territory. I fear I know more about the future of food allergies in children. They are looking backward instead of looking to the East or to what this might mean next... Thank God that's the problem. Really, there's gratitude in that too. It makes my day harder and Delmy's too, but it's actually okay - but the Italian in me grieves the cheese and tomatoes. Those are some of my favorite things.

My son is beautiful, for real.

2008-10-27T21:54:00.000-07:00

For real, for real. Isaiah is gorgeous. Either you're thinking what a cocky wench OR she must really love her son, and how I see it.. either way I am so blessed. If he is one of those kids who just isn't cute, not only do I have no clue... I also think he is one of the most beautiful little boys ever. Gospel truth. And the whole reason I came back tonight was because I had a moment just before while watching the news when I thought of something I am excited to instill in my son, gentry. Tonight as I watched the second MSNBC show dedicating their first block to Ted Stevens, the Alaskan senator who just got convicted of seven felonies on charges of making false statements on Senate financial documents about gifts he received from his contractor for doubling the size of his house for free. I noticed this awful old man holding doors open for women, literally. This is not a man I like, obviously. He's corrupt, he's one of those old white men who is so arrogant that he thinks he can actually get away with it and oh, yeah...he's a republican. So I don't like this kinda guy, but I felt something in my belly admire him when he opened up the back door of the SUV while photographers were taking photos of his guilt so that his female attorney, daughter or maybe it was his wife climbed into the back seat. Instead of just rushing to hide inside the car, he stopped and did what was respectful. He then did it again later in a second clip as he held the building door open thinking someone, perhaps even a stranger was behind him. When he noticed no one was following him in, he walked inside. It made me think of how I was going to teach Isaiah about opening the door for women and older people. Broderick isn't as conscious about those kinds of things as Jonathan or even his brother Ferris. I want Isaiah to always hold the door or elevator for an older person or woman, Even by letting them pass if they both arrive at the escalator at the same time. I thought how could I do it as not to embarrass him. And then it dawned on me that I will both tell him and remind him in public. It's that important to me that he be a gentlemen. I think it's one of the measures of a man up there with intelligence and strength. I even felt proud in my forward thinking fantasy that he will someday remember me as a women who demanded he respect women for being women.

2008-10-27T21:28:00.001-07:00

Sneaky Smurf

2008-10-27T21:12:00.000-07:00

For the last six months or so, Noah has been growing more and more sneaky. Jonathan was mentioning that he noticed the same trait in her. He said it was a weird blend of feelings because nobody likes sneaky but there's such a cleverness in how she goes about it, you're almost proud. She definitely knows what she wants, I guess it's a good thing but they how she gets it drives me nuts. Today she kept sneaking back into my office, either when I was doing the dishes or dealing with Isaiah. She waits for the perfect time and then slips away and sits at my desk unscrewing the top to her Halloween flashlight because she wants to see what happens when she puts size c batteries where the size d go. Curious, creative, conscious of her surrounding, wonderful. BUT there's also this part of her that refuses to take no for an answer just on principle alone. For instance, today, each time I found her at my desk trying to switch the batteries she also kept trying to open a brand new car alarm battery. When I caught her at my desk she kept trying to open it and would ask a question about it, how does it work? why is it little? Can she have it? Of course my frustrated response was, "No, leave it alone." Period. And tonight when I decide to come back really quickly while Broderick is asleep on the sofa with Hardball and blog, I noticed that clever devil snuck back here one last time before she went to bed and opened my car alarm battery....at least she didn't try to hide it.

Our Home

2008-10-23T22:45:00.000-07:00

A year ago I said I would post pictures of our home for those of you who still haven't come visit us yet... you bastards! This house means so much to me, to us. I found this house and we stalked the family until we finally convinced them to sell it to us. The house was pink, there was no real porch and it sat on top a hill of the dustiest dirt. It's takes 3 years and so much money that I'm embarrassed to say. Years worth of weekend were spent in Home Depot EXPO and in random shops through the county salvaging antiques, brokering deals and fighting for what they promised us. Save the screens in our bedroom, our dream home is complete. And this week we've officially petitioned the city to rebuild our garage as a 2 story, 2 bed, 2 bath guest house for our families, friends and the fair god mother that is going to find me and help me raise my kids by taking the early morning and witching hour shift! The house is decorated with pumpkins and funny bats in the trees.

Team Johnson

2008-10-23T22:30:00.000-07:00

This picture of Isaiah was taken yesterday. Broderick and I make a comment almost daily about his hair. It's so straight and blond and thin and wild. It's about that time when a first haircut would be appropriate, but we'd be cutting those curls and as much as I know that they would grow back, I'm not ready to say goodbye to them just yet. Noah got to see Jenn and Jonathan this past weekend. Jenn is so helpful with the kids and always a delight to be around. Noah adores her and my dad thinks she's the cats meow. I like her because she likes Ice Tea, wine, cheese and massages.. but not the Korean kind! Noah finally grew into the jacket that Gigi bought her. Actually Gigi was the first person that Noah called by name other than mommy, daddy and nana.

A lesson on Leaves... if you were there, you'd get it

2008-10-23T22:23:00.000-07:00

During winter, there is not enough light or water for photosynthesis. The trees will rest, and live off the food they stored during the summer. They begin to shut down their food-making factories. The green chlorophyll disappears from the leaves. As the bright green fades away, we begin to see yellow and orange colors. Small amounts of these colors have been in the leaves all along. We just can't see them in the summer, because they are covered up by the green chlorophyll.

The bright reds and purples we see in leaves are made mostly in the fall. In some trees, like maples, glucose is trapped in the leaves after photosynthesis stops. Sunlight and the cool nights of autumn cause the leaves turn this glucose into a red color. The brown color of trees like oaks is made from wastes left in the leaves.

The 2 Jenns

2008-10-23T22:21:00.000-07:00

Gregory Lake is so gangsta!

Roller Coaster Baby

2008-10-23T22:14:00.000-07:00

Noah and Logan rode their first roller coaster and the sweet thing is that they did it together. Martha's Vineyard is pretty damn magical. It's the happiest place on Earth, really. It's the American dream - well the version of the multi-colored American dream that I like to believe in. This year we visited the county fair. The kids rode rides, some by themselves. We ate fried food and ice cream, saw prize winning geese and pigs racing for the gold. All the families went on the same day so we were always next to someone who we sort of knew or knew dearly. I had a great time as I love an excuse to eat and see my baby bubbas giggle.

Private Jet

2008-10-23T22:11:00.000-07:00

Another blessing...the freedom to travel, the ability to travel, the money to travel, the places to go, the husband to help and share it all with, the kids to show the world to, the places still left to see....

Noah & Team Thompson Boys

2008-10-23T15:07:00.001-07:00

I'm sure I'm going to have my feminist card revoked because I secretly hope Noah and Matthew fall in love, of course when they're much older...I mean much older. Or at least very good friends. There are many aspects of my life that I am grateful to have - one of them are good friends with kids and husbands and lives we can be honest about with each other. I feel blessed that my children may grow up spending two weeks a year in the Vineyard with two families that share our values. I am grateful that I like my husband, most of the time. I am thankful to have friends whom I can trust and laugh with - laughing is really important to me. I can't believe that I have a mother who doesn't pester me or try to run my life. One of my biggest wishes is that she would come live with us. I regret that she doesn't live down the street. Most days when I walk the neighborhood I picture moving my mom and John and their two dogs into one of the houses in the square - or that Broderick and I buy one of the REALLY big double lot homes and giving my mom this place. I imagine a guest house where my dad and Doreen can come and stay for long periods. Maybe I'm naive or dumb or corny, but I'd really think I would enjoy having everyone on the same block.

Beach Babies

2008-10-23T15:04:00.001-07:00

Again from the Inkwell - my favorite beach on the planet - not because the water is crystal clear, nope this place is a little murky. Nor does the Inkwell have a beach with sand like velvet, but it does have the softest surf and the kids can play and I don't have to worry about them being pulled out to sea. Noah and Isaiah could spend the day at the beach. Every time we decide to go to the beach I curse myself for not packing the night before or for not having a better system - but the moment we get everything unpacked, the kids lubed up with sunblock and the blankets unfolded, I wish I did it more and start to dream of a mommyhood where I take them to the beach every Friday morning. I do a lot or dreaming, not much sleeping and very little sitting.

More Disneyland

2008-10-23T15:01:00.001-07:00

Driving for Change

2008-10-23T14:59:00.000-07:00

This is from a few months back. We were in our rent-a-car on ship heading back to Mass from the Vineyard. Both the kids love to wrangle their way our of the car seat (once it's been unbuckled) and jump into the front. Noah likes to push all the buttons, which can be tricky the next time you start the car. Isaiah, on the other hand, likes to drive - boys!!! He also has started pushing his hot wheels around the house and making car sounds with them. He loves balls, animals, food, cars, books and his mommy. He calls me mama and calls Broderick Daddy. He has eight teeth and the cutest, fat, square, Flinstone feet ever. Noah's feet are long ad skinny and she has big Broderick toes that she always asks me if I want to eat. She also thinks it's very funny to tell me that I have toe jam in my hair. On our way back from preschool she immediately takes off her shoes and tries to tease me with her toes. She also likes to roll down the window and pretended she's going to stick her feet out the window and perhaps a bird, a monster or a tiger will eat her toes. After she tires of that she tells me about the toe jam in my hair. Today she hummed at her highest pitch and loudest voice, the Little Mermaid song. We then pretended that daddy was King Trinton.

Dang, my windows were just shacking - I think a helicopter just landed on my roof. Or maybe it's ET.

Groceries and chil-ren

2008-10-23T14:56:00.000-07:00

I wish I could say that I take the kids to the grocery store every time, but I'm just not that stable or that talented. I usually go on Monday mornings and take Isaiah while Noah has her Spanish lesson. Sometimes though I get into something and miss my awake window with Isaiah and leave them both with Delmy. I enjoy going with the kids - it takes four times as long, and I usually have to do some yelling, and on bad days a little pinch to get Noah to sit down, but I get to talk to them and I see them take in the other people and all the colorful items in the store. Noah ALWAYS wants to sit in the front and it's ALWAYS an issue, but sometimes she gets her turn and Isaiah sits on and eventually cracks all the chips. One time when Noah was in the back of the basket I noticed she had eaten the whole pint of blueberries.

Sleepy Smurfs

2008-10-21T20:52:00.001-07:00

This is a perfect example, everybody gets to nap except me, These pictures were taken while we were on vacation in Martha's Vineyard. It was our second year joining the Simmons and Thompsons. I love seeing the kids together. There are so many little kids, it warms the heart, to see them enjoy and like each other. Noah fell in love with Gigi, Rhonda's daughter who is five and all the pre-teen girls fell in love with Isaiah. I didn't have to worry about him falling off the porch or playing in the toilet because he had a harem of babysitters. There was one incident that showed how the week went - I needed to feed Isaiah lunch and the girls, all five of them, asked if they could do it. They organized themselves and each got a spoon and gave him one bite. Then a few days later they did the same thing but decided to start with the person who went last, last time. We loved being in the Vineyard so much that we've decided to rent a bigger house (so we can take a few real sitters) and go for two weeks. I'm glad to be leaving the blue house, as I still believe it's haunted, even in a good way. Next year the kids will be really easy at the Inkwell. Isaiah will be two and Noah will be four. They're playing together right now. They think it's so fun and funny to crawl and tumble on the futon in my office. I had to hide the chalk because Isaiah puts it in his mouth and looks like he swamp thing with green drool or demonic with red slobber. I don't understand why he likes the taste of chalk!

The bubbies this summer

2008-10-21T20:42:00.001-07:00

Dang, I guess we're well into Fall.